Doonesbury
by Garry Trudeau
Copyright © 1996, 2006, 2007, 2008, 2009 G. B. Trudeau
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| 1996 | re-run June 8, 2021 |
Alex:
You’re a bug-checker? That’s your job?
Kim:
Sometimes. Why?
Alex:
Why? Bug-checking is brutally cool!
Kim:
Ah, another crazy kid with a dream.
| Topic: Computer programming
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| 2006 | March 5 |
Stewie:
Drat! These pesky scientific facts won’t line up behind my beliefs!
Dr. Null:
Then challenge them, Stewie!
Stewie:
Holy flat-earther! It’s White House situational science adviser, Dr. Nathan Null!
Dr. Null:
That’s right, Stewie, and I’m here to remind you... Situational science is about respecting both sides of a scientific argument, not just the one supported by facts! That’s why I always teach the controversy! Like the evolution controversy, or the global warming controversy... Not to mention the tobacco controversy, the mercury controversy, the pesticides controversy, the coal slurry controversy, the dioxin controversy, the Everglades controversy and the acid rain controversy.
Stewie:
You’re right, situational scienceman ... I’ll never trust science again! It’s just too controversial!
Dr. Null:
Stewie gets it now, folks! Do you?
| Topics: Science
Climate change
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| 2007 | April 15 |
Mark:
On the GOP side, the three front-runners, Giuliani, McCain and Gingrich, have five divorces among them, four of them really messy, and all of them involving adultery. On the Democratic side, the three front-runners, Clinton, Obama and Edwards, have no divorces or infidelities. So my question is, which party best represents family values?
Interviewee:
The Republicans. They don’t support gay marriages.
Mark:
Nor their own, apparently.
Interviewee:
That’s private! That’s between a man and a woman and another woman, and sometimes one more woman!
Note (Hal’s):
The fictional interviewee is a send-up of “Dr. James Dobson, founder of Focus on the Family.”
— end note | Topics: Marriage
Privacy
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| 2008 | January 17 |
Mark:
Sir, isn’t it true that your prisons are packed with minorities?
Trff Bmzklfrpz, President-for-Life of the Republic of Berzerkistan:
As are yours, I believe. And our numbers are modest, whereas your country has the highest incarceraton rate in the world!
Mark:
Yeah, but our inmates aren’t tortured!
Pres. Bmzklfrpz:
Excuse me?
Mark:
Damn... That used to be a gimme.
Pres. Bmzklfrpz:
Don’t worry. We’re all huge Jack Bauer fans.
| Topics: Jail
Torture
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| re-run March 3 |
Alex:
Kim! What do you know about robotics?
Kim:
Nothing. Why?
Alex:
Because apparently I know even less. Alphie has been a total bust! Why did I go with a dual-drive? We’ve only got an hour left, and the little bugger can’t go two feet without breaking down!
Alphie:
That’s it – blame the victim! Beep!
Alex:
I’m also starting to regret the A.I. chip!
| Topic: Robots
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| 2009 | April 1 |
Havoc:
Listen, Akbari, about your opium operation...
Akbari:
I know, I know, it helps fund the bad guys... But how else am I supposed to take care of my village? Kabul is inefficient and corrupt! No money ever reaches us!
Havoc:
There’s another way, partner... Hold on, it’ll come to me... Taxes! That’s it—taxes!
Akbari:
I don’t believe in them. Reagan changed my life.
| Topics: Drugs
Ronald Reagan
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| April 20 |
Mark:
So what does the recession mean to those who had nothing before it hit? Good question... Here to help us sort it all out are our favorite homeless peeps, Alice and Elmont!
Elmont:
Nothing to sort out ... It’s been a nightmare!
Alice:
It’s the competition from all the newbies, Mark...
Elmont:
Our favorite dumpster behind the Ritz – totally spoiled!
Mark:
Spoiled?
Elmont:
It’s like losing a great trout stream! Worse, probably!
| Topic: Economics
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text checked (see note) Mar 2006; Apr 2007; Jan, Mar 2008; Apr 2009; Jun 2021
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